Mom forbids 18-year-old from continuing birthday restaurant tradition because of stepdad and stepsibling's allergies, he books the restaurant for him and his sister anyway: 'I told her I didn't need them there'

Although families sometimes change shape, that doesn't mean that people who aren't there anymore have to be forgotten.

Few people expect their spouse and coparent to their kids to leave their lives early, but for one reason or another, it happens all the time. Picking up the pieces while also parenting can feel like an impossible task to take on alone. For this reason, many parents who find themselves single are happy to be able to welcome a new partner into their lives.

However, this does not take away the challenge of having children who have a parent who isn't there like they used to be. It's highly likely that they still want to be around them, or at least honor their memory. Taking this away from them because it makes a parent or stepparent uncomfortable is a risky and often inappropriate maneuver. The most likely result of this is not that kids will forgive and forget, but instead harbor resentment about being forced to accept a different reality that doesn't align with what they want. It is possible to have a successful blended family without trying to erase everything that came before, even if not everyone believes that.

 

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  • A young man smiles as he holds a forkful of spaghetti to his mouth while sitting at a restaurant table with a woman next to him
    via Adolfo Félix (Unsplash+)

    A young man smiles as he holds a forkful of spaghetti to his mouth while sitting at a restaurant table with a woman next to him

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • In this story, a teenage boy and his older sister cherished a tradition started by their late dad, where each of them always ate at a specific restaurant on their birthday. When their mom got remarried, she told her son to stop this tradition, as the restaurant they went to was a place that her husband and his kids couldn't go because of their allergies. 

    The teen didn't think it was fair to let go of this just because it wasn't something that everybody could do. His stepdad's angry reaction to the prospect confirmed this for him. Instead, he decided to book the restaurant for his birthday, inviting his sister and some other family members. He wasn't sure if he was in the wrong for doing so.

  • Am I wrong for having my birthday dinner in the place I always used to go even though my mom's husband and his kids couldn't go because of allergies?

    My parents started a birthday tradition for my sister (21f) and me (18m) when were were young that we could choose where we ate out for our birthday dinner. My dad had a place, my mom had a place, my sister had a place and I had a place. My dad d d when I was 10 and my sister was 13. The tradition stayed in place after his death until my mom moved in with her husband when I was 13.
    via No_Shift_841
  • Her husband and his kids (15 and 13) are badly allergic to seafood and nuts. Because of this my mom told me I could no longer go to my favorite restaurant for my birthday because it would mean they would need to stay home and she told me it wasn't right to follow the tradition at the expense of
    via No_Shift_841
  • family members. I said that was unfair and my sister backed me up but mom told us that was the way it needed to be. My sister chose my favorite place in protest up to the year she moved out and could book a place herself. It really upset mom who felt like we should be okay with the change for the sake of
    via No_Shift_841
  • having everyone there. I told her I didn't need them there. I needed the tradition. So mom just chose my sister's favorite place for me and brought us there for my sister's birthdays too.
    via No_Shift_841
  • My mom told her husband about a year after he and his kids moved in and he tried to shame me for fighting for a place that was unsafe for him and his kids. He told me it wasn't how my parents raised me and what would my dad say to me holding onto a tradition over family. It made me really dislike
    via No_Shift_841
  • A young man sitting in a restaurant eats an olive off a toothpick with a server standing over him
    via Adolfo Félix (Unsplash+)

    A young man sitting in a restaurant eats an olive off a toothpick with a server standing over him

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • him and I already resented that things had to change because of him (and his kids). He also lectured my sister separate from me on it and she told him he wasn't our dad so who did he think he was. His relationship with us has been sh ever since and they weren't married at that point.
    via No_Shift_841
  • For my 18th birthday I cut my mom out of the birthday dinner planning and my sister booked my favorite restaurant for us and some family. My mom tried to cancel the plans when she found out like a week before but it was under my sister's name so we were safe. She told
    via No_Shift_841
  • I told my mom I wanted her to come but if she didn't I wouldn't say anything because I wasn't changing my mind and I understood she didn't like it. She did show up but it was just to ask me if one restaurant was really worth splitting the family and I told her it was and that I never agreed to change it for her
    via No_Shift_841
  • husband and his kids. She told me they're family even if it is through marriage I should be considerate like I would be if it were her, dad or my sister. I told her it might work that way for her but it didn't for me and I told her I didn't even like her husband so
    via No_Shift_841
  • why would I want him there that bad. She said my decision to go ahead with the restaurant made her so disappointed in me and she told me she could not support me going forward if I was going to be so petty and disrespectful.
    via No_Shift_841
  • I think she expected me to feel bad and reach out after my birthday but I didn't and she has been calling and texting my sister and asking her questions about me. My sister keeps me updated on it but so far no contact directly from mom to me. But I don't regret my decision and I loved getting to eat in my favorite restaurant again for my birthday.
    via No_Shift_841
  • A woman's hand picks up a forkful of pasta
    via Adolfo Félix (Unsplash+)

    A woman's hand picks up a forkful of pasta

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • famousanonamos NTA. There is absolutely no reason she couldn't have kept your birthday tradition alive. She knew it was important to you, and instead of explaining it to her new husband at the beginning of their relationship, she decided to play big happy family right out the gate and caused a wedge.
    via famousanonamos
  • Filthy Thanksgiving NTA. it's crazy that grown a adults acted this way. Like why couldn't your mom just bring you and your sister?
    via FilthyThanksgiving
  • Is_It_Soup_Season NTA I am sorry your mom thought The Brady Brunch was a documentary.
    via Is_It_Soup_Season
  • Chaoticgood790 NTA she nuked your birthday tradition before she was even married. she sacrificed you and your sister for someone you didn't even know and was not your family oh well. i hope you enjoyed your birthday!
    via Chaoticgood790
  • Kat092620 NTA how disrespectful of them to think they over ride a tradition you had with dad. I hate when parents try to "erase" a deceased parent
    via Kat092620
  • AsethDearnight NTA. It was a family tradition, something you obviously cherished. Your mother's husband was way out of line too, and your mother should have been more respectful of your and your sister's feelings over her new husband.
    via AsethDearnight
  • MyLadyBits NTA. Ask your Mom why you would go out of your way when she's clearly chosen her husband over her and your sister. Maybe your father would be disappointed in her.
    via MyLadyBits
  • If she's going to fight emotionally ugly no reason not to give it back to her.
    via MyLadyBits

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family drama birthday restaurant dad family sister stepdad mom entitled people
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